Fatigue

I don't believe I knew what tired was until now. My friends and I used to make fun of the word "fatigue" in med school. It was a common symptom listed under so many serious illnesses. It just sounded funny because the word itself, we joked, sounded like a very serious condition. Well now I know that it is! The mere thought of crossing the room to extract the bathtub scrub brush from Mirabel's hair that she had tried to brush her hair with gives me so much fatigue. I sleep a full night's sleep and wake tired, looking forward to hitting the bed again. On Saturday I had a rare and precious burst of energy that enabled me to tackle the kids clothes and organize the attic. I was so gratified, but I sure paid for it. I felt like I had gone out and put back 10 shots of whiskey instead of doing domestic duties- a deep hungover feeling that lasted into the next day. I am trying to maintain my once a week overnight shifts but I just can't catch up on lost sleep like i used to. Why does the first trimester make you feel like you've been hit by a mac truck? It seems way worse this time, maybe because Mirabel may be the busiest little person to chase that I have ever seen.

Something else is coming out of this that is positive. I am finally gaining appreciation for my profession in terms of practical application to my life. I have been wanting a full time salary job for so long. I've spent too much time dreaming of that fabulous fashion designer job. I also often think I should have done something with my math skills - I still miss the crazy advanced calculus classes at Umass when I would hang out with the Japanese tutors at 7:30 am in a blizzard just to do problems. But I love medicine so I really should have been a surgeon. I may still have these thoughts but now I am grateful to have acupuncture and Naturopathic medicine as a means to make a living. There is no way I would have been able to keep Mimsy home, do housework, cook, be home for Noah after school, and make it to all of these doctor appointments. Even if Mims was in school, I would have been fired by now by having to attend to all of the medical research and appointments recently. I feel very blessed to be spending this time with our kids. Over the past year I have worked in a spa and a health clinic at different times. Now I have plans to open practice in a Pilates studio in Newburyport. I will have great flexibility and opportunity which will be fantastic. There is still so much more I want to accomplish professionally and so much time to do it in.