14 weeks

The baby is 14 weeks this weekend. We went to the doctor yesterday. I love the 3D but the tech said there's not a lot of detail this early since there's not a lot of fat on the baby yet. He's covering his head with his arm. Yes... boy. I asked her when we could tell and she said she was looking now. She was saying how you can't be sure this early, etc etc, then she said "Oh!"...." I would say it's a boy". Apparently it was more clear than was expected (lol). Even though Greg would love another girl, he doesn't want to get his hopes up for a boy. However, especially after this, I am certain we are going to have a little Greg. Anyway, things look really good. The IUD is in the anterior superior portion of the uterus ie as far away from the cervix as it can be. This means that the main risk for miscarriage these next few weeks, infection, is greatly diminished. The baby is growing as it should be and the doctor is really pleased with how everything looks. I have even stopped bleeding which I'm happy about, but he said that I still can't exercise. I feel like a big blob, and I only have a small bump. This is going to be a very long few months ahead...

I met a woman down the street whose husband is building a house. They just had their third boy, an IUD baby. They were able to take hers out though. But now I just feel that it is the worst form of birth control ever- not very effective, although it just seems that way for me I guess. But it's funny how it just comes out of the woodwork, and suddenly seems so common.

We are feeling some relief now as it's seeming more real everyday. I am still obsessed with organizing and the world around me cannot get organized fast enough. I want every single item in the house labeled and properly stored away. I don't know how I got this way. I'm probably just trying to create order amidst other chaos. On a better note, the kids are so excited for Halloween. Mims is a strawberry, her fave food, and Noah is Link from Zelda. Jamin and Rachel are coming today for the weekend. We will all have dinner and then go trick-or-treating. I'm still not entirely sure how I'm going to keep the candy away from Mims but I will do it. We have some organic, natural lollipops that my mom bought (thanks mom!) and she begins early in the morning and asks all day long if she can have a lollipop. I hear it in my sleep, "lollipop Mommy?". I just got Mims into a new preschool 2 mornings a week, which is across the street. She loves it since her little friend Seamus goes there. She and Noah are maintaining their very strong love/hate bond. Luckily, it's way more love than hate. Mims is tough and belly-dives right on top of Noah when they wrestle. Mimsy also thinks she has a baby in her belly and Noah just laughs at her. While the kids are tearing the house apart, Greg is working so much right now, long hours and on some weekends. I just want to see him have a break. He really deserves it. He comes home and we all rush to see him.

12 Weeks

We are at 12 weeks 4 days now. This picture is from our appointment last week which was at 11 and a half weeks. We were not as far along as we had thought because we haven't had "normal" appointments. It just wasn't clear and we kept hearing different things. Anyway, we had our NT screening for Down's syndrome and other chromosomal abnormalities. We had an ultrasound and then went to see the doctor. On the ultrasound, the baby was sucking its thumb (!) and moving all around. The IUD was visualized to be at the top of the uterus, but we couldnt really see it. Greg went back to work after the US, and Mims and I went to see Dr. M. They took my blood and Dr. M said that everything looked really good. We got a call yesterday and learned that the results were negative - we don't have to worry about Down's or any other chromosomal abnormality. I was relieved, at least in part.

I have started to show this week. I can't believe it. The baby seems to be so big at only 3 months! Three nights ago I felt the baby move under my hand. Since then, I can feel the baby move at night when i'm still. I guess because of having 2 babies before, I can feel it so early. But it is still surprising. We are headed into another high-risk period. During the weeks of 14-22 there is an increased risk of miscarriage. It's hard to imagine having a miscarriage when the baby is this big and even bigger. I am continually working on my not-so-strong skill of positive thinking. I am determined to be a pro by the end of this experience.

Hospital visit

Today we made a nervewracking trip to Brigham and Women's.. I have been bleeding on and off (mostly on) for the pregnancy, but yesterday began losing what looked like clear fluid. This morning i called my doc who said to come into the hospital. He did an exam and then we took a quick look on an US. We saw plenty of amniotic fluid on US and he said it looked really good. We also saw a baby who was literally bouncing around. It was just moving all over the place.. It's little heart was beating and we could see its spine so clearly. On the way home Greg had a talk with me. He said that even though I had reason to be concerned, I am really just a nervous nelly. He said that i need to accept the idea that this pregnancy is not necessarily going to end tomorrow. He is sure that everything is going to be just fine. I realized that i am really having difficulty with the uncertainty of the pregnancy. Every time i get a cramp or start bleeding more heavily i think something is terribly wrong. I just need to relax a little and accept the fact that we are most likely (i think) going to have a baby...

Fatigue

I don't believe I knew what tired was until now. My friends and I used to make fun of the word "fatigue" in med school. It was a common symptom listed under so many serious illnesses. It just sounded funny because the word itself, we joked, sounded like a very serious condition. Well now I know that it is! The mere thought of crossing the room to extract the bathtub scrub brush from Mirabel's hair that she had tried to brush her hair with gives me so much fatigue. I sleep a full night's sleep and wake tired, looking forward to hitting the bed again. On Saturday I had a rare and precious burst of energy that enabled me to tackle the kids clothes and organize the attic. I was so gratified, but I sure paid for it. I felt like I had gone out and put back 10 shots of whiskey instead of doing domestic duties- a deep hungover feeling that lasted into the next day. I am trying to maintain my once a week overnight shifts but I just can't catch up on lost sleep like i used to. Why does the first trimester make you feel like you've been hit by a mac truck? It seems way worse this time, maybe because Mirabel may be the busiest little person to chase that I have ever seen.

Something else is coming out of this that is positive. I am finally gaining appreciation for my profession in terms of practical application to my life. I have been wanting a full time salary job for so long. I've spent too much time dreaming of that fabulous fashion designer job. I also often think I should have done something with my math skills - I still miss the crazy advanced calculus classes at Umass when I would hang out with the Japanese tutors at 7:30 am in a blizzard just to do problems. But I love medicine so I really should have been a surgeon. I may still have these thoughts but now I am grateful to have acupuncture and Naturopathic medicine as a means to make a living. There is no way I would have been able to keep Mimsy home, do housework, cook, be home for Noah after school, and make it to all of these doctor appointments. Even if Mims was in school, I would have been fired by now by having to attend to all of the medical research and appointments recently. I feel very blessed to be spending this time with our kids. Over the past year I have worked in a spa and a health clinic at different times. Now I have plans to open practice in a Pilates studio in Newburyport. I will have great flexibility and opportunity which will be fantastic. There is still so much more I want to accomplish professionally and so much time to do it in.

Almost 11 weeks

We are almost 11 weeks along with this IUD pregnancy. We found out at 5 weeks that I was pregnant. At the time, I was wondering "Hmm could I be pregnant?" but immediately thought "No way, there is no way i could be pregnant. I have very reliable birth control." I even looked up the chances: there is less than a 0.6% chance of getting pregnant with this IUD. Well, after having that thought process several times, we finally got a test which showed the tell-tale plus sign. I immediately went into the ER, spending 5 hours until 4 am, knowing I could be in a high risk situation. The doctor on call who I called that night said to go into the ER and I was petrified by what I was reading on the internet. At the ER, there was an attempt to remove the IUD, but no success. There was bloodwork (high Hcg counts ie viable pregnancy) and an ultrasound. The ultrasound showed a gestational sac and no heartbeat yet. I left the ER feeling more lost than before. The next day I began bleeding, and I was sure I had miscarried. After a long Memorial Day weekend, I was able to get bloodwork that confirmed even higher Hcg counts. Then I saw a doctor who attempted another removal of the IUD (after seeing a heartbeat on another US). There was no success that time either. I was informed that it was in my best interest to terminate the pregnancy, because the IUD absolutely had to come out, even if that meant bringing the embryo out with it. I left upset, calling Greg at work on the way out, crying. But we were determined to seek more information and opinions. We had already talked so many people and doctors who saw or knew of normal births with an IUD. We decided to continue with the pregnancy. We had wanted one more child anyway...

What followed was a scary period of seeking doctors and more opinions and yet more information. I knew we had to get into a good hospital in Boston to manage our situation. By some miracle (thank you!), a good friend got us in to see a doctor with Brigham and Women's in Boston. I was so relieved to finally feel like we were in good hands. This doctor has only seen 3 or 4 cases of this in his 20 + years of practice. He did a third and final attempt at removal of the IUD, without success. The next step was to do an US to carefully visualize the IUD, and then attempt removal, guided by the US. Well, on the US we saw that the IUD had moved from the bottom of the uterus near the cervix, up to the top of the uterus above the fetus. So in order to remove the IUD, it would definitely take the fetus out too since it was in the IUD's path of exit. So, we were advised to wait and see. Greg and I left the hospital, well, feeling different things. Greg, being an IUD baby himself, tended to feel hopeful and optimistic. I was petrified of having a sharp pointy object floating around in my uterus, let alone near a growing embryo. There was nothing more we could do. The risks were scary. There is an increased risk of miscarriage, all the way up until the 3rd trimester. There is also an increased risk of preterm labor, which means we can't breathe a sigh of relief until week 28 (7th month) which at that point the baby, if born early, will have a good chance of survival without serious developmental defects. There is a risk of perforation of the uterus, and a risk of infection. If infection is not caught early, it can result in loss of the baby, and possibly my uterus, and even worse, death. However, this is a relatively low possiblity compared to the other risks.

Now the pregnancy is being followed closely. It is hard to get too attached to the pregnancy because of the fear of its loss with all these risks. But, I am trying to take it day by day and not worry too much. Because of the bleeding, I am not allowed to exercise, which is proving to be the most difficult thing for me. I feel like my newly pilates-sculpted body (lol) is losing its tone, and my stomach is not as flat as it was already! But the exericse was mostly for my mind and mood, and I am feeling the effects of being idle. I am not even allowed to walk, let alone do pilates or run. I am really hoping I will be able to exercise soon. I am so irritable and moody that I may be living alone if I don't watch out! Greg is being so understanding, I really have to give him credit. Greg is so excited and really wants a boy this time (the Chinese pulse says it is).

The kids are excited about the baby, although Mimsy doesn't know what it means. She thinks we're talking about her. She is going to be really jealous. She wants to be the only baby around here. Noah wants more kids around all the time so he will be happy.

Here is a picture of the fetus at 9 weeks. I think the IUD is above its head, the white circle. The IUD is kind of pressed against the top of the uterine wall, but the US caught its end in the picture.